Mattatarian.com

Beerstadamus

| 2 Comments

Gather around friends, and listen as I gaze into my crystal ball and speak of things that will soon come to pass. Okay, so it’s not crystal… and it’s not a ball. Alright, it’s a half empty bottle of Dundee Oktoberfest, but it’s magical none the less. Yes, prepare to have your minds blown by these (most likely wildly innacurate) beer-fueled predictions of things to come in the next six months. These predictions are not listed in the order they most likely will (not) occur, as the beer still hides some mysteries from my mortal eyes.

  • The big 3 American automakers will get a government bailout after 20 years of making turd cars and bad business decisions.  
  • Congress will approve another round of stimulus checks in an attempt to try and buy our complacency after having bailed out the automakers. 
  • The DOW will hit a low of 7200 points.
  • Hugo Chavez will nationalize something else (big stretch, I know)
  • The McRib will make a glorious return, as will the Double Filet-O-Fish. The beer is telling me the fish will be sometime around February. 
  • Despite the downturn in the housing market, Paulette, the 1-800-ToSellHomes lady, will continue to make some of the worst local ads in the world. 
  • QuikTrip will not come to OKC.
  • Hyper-inflation.
  • The Republican party will do something which indicates, that despite this year’s election, they still do not get it. 
  • Tyler Perry will make another movie which will be titled, “Tyler Perry’s _____”.
  • John Stamos will not have a hit show on television.
There you have it, the beer has spoken. Now, go forth and make your plans for the next 6 months on these rock soild predictions. 
Be Sociable, Share!

2 Comments

  1. Prediction: Big Beer will make a Belgian Style Ale. Probably Budweiser. It will be part of a Craft Beer Series.

  2. Prediction: I will become really wealthy and bankroll a small brewer from OKC.

    Hey, I can dream can't I?

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.